Double or Nothing Chapter 3

She stared into the cedar chest that opened like a tackle box.  On the first row, in small compartments were steel spade shaped implements, ranging from small to large.  There were glass dildos nestled in velvet lined compartments, small egg shaped things with a wire leading to a control, and some weird plastic cylinders with handles on the ends and a pair of metal coils that made two shiny circles glistening in the light.  Underneath the top row, there was a long box that held thick rope, handcuffs, collars, a weird looking bar and Velcro cuffs.

Beneath all of this was a drawer.  She hesitated and then opened the drawer.  Neatly arrayed were whips, canes, paddles, rulers, a wooden spoon and a wooden backed hairbrush.

She gulped as she studied the array before her.  She looked up at him wide eyed.  She could not read anything in his expression to help her make a choice.  He was just patiently waiting, although it almost looked as if he wanted to smile.

She looked back at the array.  She looked back at him, and hesitated.  Now he did smile, as he said, “I told you to choose what intrigues you, but if you can’t choose, I will choose for you.”

“Um, no that’s okay,” she said hastily.  She decided to pick a few things from each row and drawer, nothing too scary.  In the first row, she hesitated and chose one of the small steel spadey things, the metal coils and the weird plastic cylinders – he said to choose what intrigued her and she had no idea what these were for.

From the second row she chose the rope and a collar, she definitely didn’t want handcuffs!  From the drawer, okay this was harder – obviously all of these were for spanking.  She felt her stomach turn over at the thought.  For years she had a fantasy of being spanked… and it looked like tonight he would make it come true.

Watching her choose he wondered what she was thinking.  He tried to keep a poker face as she laid out her choices.  He was surprised she would choose an anal plug, much less nipple huggers AND the suction cups. But he couldn’t hide a smile when she chose the rope.  He loved the way a woman looked tied up in rope and he loved the way they looked when he untied them and the marks remained.  There were SO many things he could do with a rope, caress her with it, whip her with it, obviously tie her up with it.  He could increase her pleasure/pain threshold by pulling the skin taut.  He could place knots around her clitoris, anus and nipples to cause direct stimulation – oh there was a lot he could do with that rope.

The collar though, that was different.  He looked at her and was surprised by his reaction.  He had used collars lots of times, but the idea of putting his collar on her… it was unsettling.  Not because he wouldn’t love her wearing his collar, but, if she enjoyed what he was about to do to her, what if she let someone else collar her.  He was shocked by his immediate anger at the idea of someone else controlling her, and he knew in that moment, that whatever it took, she was his.  He had no intention of letting her go. He took a deep breath as a calm feeling replaced the quick anger.  Just because he had never felt like this before didn’t mean he didn’t know what to do.  He just didn’t realize how deep his feelings for her were until now.  But now that he knew, well, he would handle it.  Smiling, he watched her flush as she studied the drawer but he was puzzled as the flush went to her ears, neck and chest, a sure sign of excitement, but what was she excited by?  He followed her gaze and honed in on the hairbrush.  He had to fight to smooth out his face and hoped that his erection wasn’t too obvious through his jeans.  He fought the urge to adjust himself and waited, anticipating what she would choose as she obviously found the hairbrush exciting.

She picked up the hairbrush and quickly placed it with the other things.  Keeping her eyes on the floor, she walked back over to where he was waiting for her.

Double or Nothing – Chapter 2

Where were we?… oh, right…

“Stand up,” he said pulling her towards him by the hair.  When she did, he bent and captured her mouth.  Just a taste, he promised himself as he deepened the kiss.  When their tongues met he groaned and captured her lower lip between his teeth, burying his hands in her hair.  She moaned and he felt her nipples harden against him.  It took all of his will power not to take her then and there.  He needed to be sure that she knew what she was in for, and that she was willing to take this further.

He broke off the kiss and she sighed as he moved away.  He grabbed his shirt from the table and pulled it over her.  She sought the arm holes and pulled her hands through.  His shirt covered her to her thighs, but instead of helping matters, he swore it made things worse.  He could see her nipples poking through the thin material.

“I need to show you something,” he said.  She followed him down the hall to the guest room.  She had been in his house before, and while she had never slept in the guest room, the door was usually open and she had seen it before.  He climbed up on the four post bed and sat with his back against the pillows.

“Come here,” he said.

Were they going to…? Did she want to…? What about…?  Her thoughts fluttered madly, her heart raced as she walked to the bed.  He took her hand and pulled her up, settling her between his legs so that her back was against his chest and he put his arms around her.

She let herself relax against him.  He took one of her hands, linking it with his and studying the two hands together as he began to speak.

“There are certain things I like,” he began, “certain ways I like to do things.”  She listened, wondering what he was thinking.  “When I have sex with a woman, I like to be the one in control,” he said. She nodded, watching as he stroked her hand.

“I’ve wanted to have sex with you for a long time, but I didn’t want to ruin our friendship either.”  She nodded again, that had been one of her worries too, it’s not like she never thought about it… she just couldn’t bring herself to say anything and the timing was never right.

“When I say that I like being in control, you have to first understand that I think women are incredible, worthy of respect and reverence.  But, I like being in total control, I like to have intense sex and it excites me to make a woman lose control.  Sometimes, I like to mix pleasure and pain, but only because it excites me to hear a submissive woman moan, gasp and cry out with pleasure, and pain and pleasure together can heighten the experience, ” he said sliding his hand up her arms and turning to open a drawer in the nightstand.  He reached in and she watched with some trepidation, what was he getting, handcuffs?  She stiffened against him as he drew out…. an ashtray and a box.  Opening the box he pulled out a joint, lit it and leaned back against the head board.  She slowly relaxed back against him as he passed it to her, somewhat disappointed and not really sure why.

“You aren’t saying much.  Do I frighten you, was that too much information?”, he asked.She handed him back the joint, thinking of what he had said and taking the time to answer him seriously, because he was serious about this, she could tell.

“You don’t frighten me”, she finally said, “I trust you and I’m not afraid that you would hurt me, but I don’t really know what you mean.  Are you talking about whips and chains, S&M, like the stuff you read about in books?” she laughed nervously.

“What books have you been reading?” he laughed too.  “I’m not talking about hard play, it doesn’t excite me to cause welts, bruises or cuts…” he paused as he felt her back stiffen, handing her back the joint and beginning to massage her shoulders gently until she began to relax again.  “That is why I asked you what your “hard lines” were.  I didn’t know that you had no experience with this and I always ask that with women I play with”.  He could feel her tense again so he took the joint, crushing it out in the ashtray and setting it on the nightstand.  He pulled her up so that she was nestled at his side, her head against his chest.

She took the opportunity to let her hair shield her face.  The thought of him with other women angered her and she was trying to figure out why.  She had seen him with other women, it had never bothered her before, but the idea of another woman in his bed seemed intolerable now that she was here beside him She idly let her fingers play on his chest, allowing them to rest in the small concave just under his pecs.  He brushed her hair back and asked her, “What do you like?  What turns you on?”

She could feel herself blushing and she buried her face against his chest.  He gently tried to turn her face up, but she shook her head, keeping her face hidden.  “I like lots of things”, she whispered.

“If you aren’t going to tell me, then I will have to find out for myself”, he said sternly.She felt her stomach tighten at the thought.

“You are my slave, and you have to do whatever I say, right?” he asked in the same tone.  She felt weak at the knees as she answered with a timid “yes.”

“Get up and go to the foot of the bed, open the cedar chest and take out the things that intrigue you”, he commanded.

She got up, shyly pulling the t-shirt down and did as he commanded.  Opening the cedar chest she could only stare open mouthed as she looked at what was inside.

“Start choosing”, he commanded roughly.  God, did she know what she looked like, standing there with her plump lips open, just begging for him to kiss them… or to shove something in them.  Her nipples had hardened again, he could see them through the thin shirt and the light shining in from the window back lit her, exposing her curves. Either she could never wear that shirt again, or she could only wear that shirt always, he couldn’t decide which would be better, she was driving him crazy.

Taking the Back Roads

I saw this picture (thank you Deviant Wench!), and ummm, wow – just wow! I really need this back in our life!  I won’t say that we haven’t had any sex since my last post, but the level of intimacy… it just isn’t there.  I mentioned in my earlier post that I have a plan – and I do, and it’s a really, really good plan.  I just can’t seem to get husband on board though.  It involves a road trip, and days off from work and days of really excellent, reconnecting, this thing we do, domestic discipline everything balled up into one phenominal second honeymoon.  And I can’t seem to get through to him…

This idea came to me a few weeks ago, and my campaign has been going on for almost two weeks now.  I am so desperate to reconnect and I think he would agree with me when I say that reality came between us HARD this past year (slightly over a year now) and it has changed who we are, in some ways, forever.  Our security has been shaken, his even more than mine, and he exists by working and taking care of business.  I will be going back to work soon and the window of opportunity for us to connect again on that intimate level is growing smaller by the minute.  We really need days… if we just get away for a night it will be a great night, I’m sure, but we’ll fall right back into the routine we’re in now.

I just know that if we could leave our worries behind, for only a few days, we would come back united and ready to re-shoulder our burdens, but I think we would carry the load more evenly between us, and the silent distance between us would be erased.  The distance between us scares me, it is not something I have been able to break through and I am becoming desperate for us to connect, to bond and especially to be as open and surrendering as I was before.  I don’t feel safe anymore.  Wow – I think that is the first time I said that out loud – I NO LONGER FEEL SAFE!

It wasn’t until I was re-reading this blog today that I realized how far we’ve walked away from this life, and I don’t know if he even realizes how this distance effects me emotionally.  Once you are that open with someone and they retreat and shut you off, it’s no wonder I am so desperate to connect again.

Money, money, money.  I have noticed that when husband and I argue, he is talking money and I am talking emotions.  I know money is tight, but I also know that a vacation now, versus a year from now, will give us something to hold on to for the next year.  

I really wish I had a cheery, everything is great “this thing we do” post for you, but when we hit the rough patch it changed it all.  We fell back into old ruts and old arguments and when I re-read my blog today, it made me cry… because we were on the right track before and I want it back so badly.

So keep your fingers crossed for me – never say never and that window of opportunity is still open.  I have a lottery ticket on my desk in front of me and plenty of ideas in mind!  I only need to find about $1,000 to pull it off and I think that if I can come up with the money, he will find a way to make the time.  

Hello again, it’s been such a long time!

Oh, I have been away so long, mostly hoping that something would change and I could post you one of my steamy, happy posts.  Unfortunately it’s been a long time and I can’t say that we are back into our groove.  In fact, sometimes I despair of finding our way back…

I miss everything about our old lifestyle.  It was helping us reconnect and it was making our marriage stronger, but illness and deaths occurred and we seem to have fallen back into old ruts.

But never fear, my faithful followers, I have a plan, I am not giving up on this lifestyle, it’s just on hold for now.  Until the time comes when I can implement my plan – I hope that you will enjoy some fictional stories.

In fact, I plan to live vicariously through my fictional characters until the time comes when I can put my own life back into this blog.

Lots of Love,

Roxanne